8/27/00:
Are You Ready for Some Football Part 2?
Or, Dante's Fearless NFL Predictions, NFC
Style
By now you've all gotten over
the shock and surprise of me picking the
Silver and Black to win the AFC West. (That'd
be the Raiders to you non-sports buffs.)
Well, wait till you get a
load of my NFC picks! It'd be like going
out and getting a smarmy, high-brow comedian
to co-host a national sports institution.
Oh, wait, that already happened.
We'll start in the NFC East,
home to perennial powers, young upstarts,
and stars-in-the-making. But all is not
well in the land of the Cowboys, Cardinals
and Eagles. You see, an owner went out this
off-season and went on a spending spree
of epic promportions. A seasoned veteran
here, the NFL's best all-around-athlete
there. Oh, and he also found himself with
a couple first-class rookies on draft day.
And for once, that owner wasn't Jerry Jones!
Nope, Washington Redskins owner Daniel
Snyder went out and gave coach Norv Turner
the players to compliment an already solid
starting lineup: Deion Sanders, Bruce Smith,
Mark Carrier, and Jeff George will all be
wearing the Redskin uniform this season.
And that's in addition to RB Steven Davis,
QB Brad Johnson, and rookies LaVar Arrington
and LT Chris Samuels.
On paper you'd think that
would make the 'Skins the fave to win the
division, the conference, and the Super
Bowl. Well, you'll just have to wait till
the end of this column to find out about
the last two. Unfortunately for the 'Skins,
all that new talent could mean a lack of
chemistry, and in the always-tough NFC East
that might be tougher to overcome than usual.
Nipping at the heels of the conference front-runners
will be the New York Giants, who
look to do two things well this season:
run the ball with Ron Dayne and play their
usually tough defense. That'll require them
to stay healthy (Jason Sehorn, I'm talking
to you!) and make big holes for the Heisman
winner. Look for the Giants to stay close
to the 'Skins all season, and maybe steal
the division if that DC chemistry experiment
doesn't work.
After that the NFC East isn't
a pretty sight. The Cardinals hope to rebound
to the form of two seasons ago, but so much
of that rests on the shoulders and in the
hands of Jake Plummer. Plummer threw INTs
like I opened wine bottles last year, and
that doomed the Arizona (ugh) Cardinals.
Still, the early-season weather can wear
opponents down in a hurry, so they should
surprise some folks, and a Wild Card berth
isn't out of the question. The Dallas
Cowboys, once the example of how a franchise
should and shouldn't be run (all in the
same week, hell in the same day!), are an
organization in total turmoil. And freefall.
Deion's gone, as is coach Chan Gailey, the
victim of an Aikman-inspired coup. And this
'Boys fan wishes Aikman'd concentrate more
on winning games than getting rid of coaches.
The team did right by signing speedy receiver
Joey Galloway, but Aikman's arm and Emmitt
Smith's legs aren't getting any younger.
Our hometown Philadelphia Eagles
look to be improving, and if they can take
advantage of their schedule, they could
play more than the role of spoiler. (PREDICTIONS:
Washington: 10-6; Giants: 10-6; Cardinals:
8-8; Cowboys: 8-8; Eagles: 8-8)
The NFC Central is a division
in flux. Names like Green Bay and Minnesota
are staring tough, rebuilding years in the
face, while Tampa should be near the top
again. But it's the Chicago Bears
that are going to return to former glory
and steal the division with a Rams-like
year. I kid you not. Last year Cade McNown
was a green rookie making mistakes and coughing
up turnovers. Oh yeah, and finishing third
in the NFL in passing. Granted, there's
plenty of garbage-time in those stats, but
don't be fooled. With a shorn-up D, the
Bears are back and the Bears are for real.
Last year the Tampa Bay
Buccaneers surprised plenty of people,
but with coach Tony Dungey and a defense
led by Warren Sapp, their ascension shouldn't
have come as that much of a shock. This
is a team on the rise. Unfortunately, Shawn
King ain't the QB that's going to take them
there. Luckily, the presence of Keyshawn
Johnson will help that situation correct
itself. What's he gonna do, throw himself
the dman ball?! Tampa Bay'll be tough and
not somebody I'd want to face in a Wild
Card game.
The rest of the Central is
a dead zone, with Detroit, Green Bay and
Minnesota all finishing below .500 according
to this fan. I've never been impressed by
Detroit's Charlie Batch, and he has
yet to show me that he can stay healthy.
They'll spoil a few other teams' seasons,
but they won't be arounf when it counts.
Much the same can be said for the Packers,
who ended the Great Ray Rhodes Experiment
after one disastrous season. Frankly, anybody
from Philly could've told them disaster
was in their future once they hired that
pariah. Not that I wasn't happy to see Brett
Favre and Co. disintegrate in front of my
eyes! The Vikings, like the Eagles,
are probably a year or two away from dominating
their respective division. Daunte Culpepper
could turn out to be the real deal, but
we'll find that out in his first regular
season game. Fortunately, he's throwing
to Randy Moss, the best receiver in the
game. (PREDICTIONS: Chicago: 11-5;
Tampa: 10-6; Detroit: 7-9; Green Bay: 7-9;
Vikings: 7-9)
Finally, we arrive on the
left coast, home to the NFC West. Well,
sorta. Explain to me why the St. Louis Rams
play in the West but the Arizona Cardinals
play in the East. Or, how about Atlanta
and New Orleans? Sheesh! Somebody's in desperate
need of a realignment, and I don't mean
the Grey Ghost!
Anyway, let's make this quick.
Carolina steps up to the plate and does
what they should've done last year...win
the goddamn division! Enough of this worst-to-first
Rams crap! The Carolina Panthers,
with underrated football god George Seifert
at the helm, emphasized their defense in
the off-season and signed some key free
agents (Lee Woodall, Jimmy Hitchcok). Sure,
Steve Buerlien's as old as my mom, but he's
got enough juice left in the tank to make
another run this year. Thankfully, 'cause
I can't take another year of touchy-feely
Rams stories. I'm sick of Kurt Warner,
aren't you? Christ, couldn't he have been
at the house when his parents got sucked
away by the tornado? And what's with his
wife's dyke haircut? Ugh. Anyway, worst-to-first
means playing a real schedule, so we'll
see how Kurt and Co. respond to playing
the likes of Denver, Tampa and Washington
in the regular season, instead of feasting
on the Browns, Lions, and Eagles of a year
ago. At least cry-baby Vermeil is gone!
Jamaal Anderson returns to
the Falcons lineup, but they certainly
aren't the team they were a few years ago.
A Wild Card berth isn't out of the question,
but don't look for the Falcons to finish
much above .500. As for the rest of the
division, the sad, sad 49ers are
without Steve Young (another goody two-shoes
I'm glad to see off the field) and will
be lucky to win five games. The only thing
worse than being a 49er? Suiting up in a
New Orleans 'Aints uniform. Ricky
Williams might be a bright spot, but that
isn't even a guarantee! (PREDICTIONS:
Carolina: 12-4; St. Louis: 11-5; Atlanta:
9-7; San Fran: 5-11; New Orleans: 2-14)
DIVISION WINNERS: Washington,
Chicago, Carolina
WILD CARDS: Giants, Tampa Bay, St.
Louis
CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS: Washington
Redskins
SUPER BOWL: Tennessee Titans over
Washington Redskins
That's it for this week...stop
back next week for more plugs, rants, and
shameless self-promotion.
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