Exploitation Retrospect | The Journal of Junk Culture and Fringe Media
Dante's Inferno01/15/01: Could I Be Any More Wrong ... Vermeil's a Cry-Baby and a Liar! ... Puttin' on the Foil

Remember the scene from SPINAL TAP where the band finally gets to see copies of their LP 'Smell the Glove'? In an effort to do away with the sexist cover, the record label issues the album with a completely black cover, which prompts the band to discuss the merits of the design. Finally, idiot guitarist Nigel Tufnel (Christopher Guest) puts it all in perspective when he asks the seemingly-rhetorical question, "It's like, how much more black could it be. And, it's like, none...none more black."

Sitting here today, I suppose the question is, "Like, how much wrong could I have been about the NFL Championship games?" And, it's like, none...none more wrong.

Regular readers will recall that I picked the Vikes in a romp in the early game, with the Raiders deciphering the vaunted Ravens D and winning by nine. Well, don't I have egg on my face? As we all know by now, the Vikes were disgraced by the Kerry-Collins-lookin-like-Joe-Namath-led-Giants and effectively quit playing around the end of the first quarter. Randy Moss and Chris Carter should be ashamed of themselves for that limp display.

As for the Raiders? Well, things might've been different had Tony Saragusa not cheap-shotted Rich Gannon with a pile driver into the turf, but that seems par for the Ravens' course. Ray Lewis sent Steve McNair packing with a cheap shot in last week's game, and the final punt of the AFC Championship tilt was ended with a completely unnecessary full-throttle special teams tackle by one of the other Baltimore thugs. One can only hope there's a little tit for tat and we get to see Michael Strahan resting his gap-toothed frame on a lifeless Trent Dilfer. Hey, if he cried like a schoolgirl after winning, what'll happen if they're carting him off on a stretcher?

Speaking of namby-pamby, faucet-eyed football types, why would anybody believe a word that comes out of Dick Vermeil's mouth? Less than a year after quitting as head coach of the St. Louis Rams because he knew it would be nearly impossible to repeat, Vermeil's back coaching his good buddy's Kansas City Chiefs. The cost to the Chiefs? Ah, just a couple draft picks and a cool half-million for a guy who caught lightning in a bottle a year ago with the Rams and then bailed on the last two years of his contract.

I know there're a lot of people in this area who deify Vermeil for taking the spectacularly unspectacular 1980 Eagles to the big dance, but this seems like the work of a money-grubbing sheister to me.

Anyway, I won't spoil the fun by divulging my Super Bowl pick this week. That would simply cause a run on whatever the opposite bet is!

I was going to talk about some other stuff this week, like how Netflix.com is the greatest Web-based service of all-time, Cheap Trick can still rock with the best of 'em even though two members of the band are obviously vampires, and 'Three Sisters' is the least funny sitcom to soil the airwaves since, perhaps, 'Mr. T and Tina.' But I don't have time for that now.

Slap SHot starring Paul Newman and The Hanson BrothersHowever, I do have time to mention that this week's DVD of the Week is one of the classic sports films of all-time: SLAP SHOT. Finally available in its original format (widescreen with the theatrical soundtrack), SLAP SHOT set the standard for sports cinema for years to come. Set in the trenches of minor league hockey, Paul Newman guides this tale of the misfits and morons that make up the team, their management, and the town that lives and breathes with their ups and downs. Michael Ontkean ably supports him as the brainy star of the team who won't "goon it up," but it's the world famous Hanson Brothers that make the film the monument to puttin' on the foil. Obscenely dated (you'll need sunglasses to look at some of Newman's outfits!), this is a must-have for any hockey fan or comedy lover!

Remember gang, soberbrothers.com – your pop culture outfitters – is now open for business. Inventory is a bit thint, but we're adding merchandise from our vast collections weekly!

Until next week...

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