COMPUTERS HATE ME...NAKED AMATEURS...MORE
ARMAGEDDON CANDY...THE TRUTH ABOUT THE REAL
Well, this week's column is
only a whopping three days late...four days
by the time anyone reads this. In fact,
I contemplated pulling the plug on this
week's installment altogether, but that's
the kind of thing The Hungover Gourmet tries
to pull, not a respected journalist like
The trouble all started about
ten days ago after the last DI was placed
up on the web. A client based on the other
side of the state needed me to upgrade my
trusty little Mac Quadra 630 to that newfangled
OS8 (that's Mac-speak for Operating System
8) in order to access their servers. Never
one to look some gift work in the mouth
I obliged and plunked down $120 for the
"Sure," I kept telling
myself, "I need this anyway."
Yeah, like a hole in the head.
Friday's initial installation
went, well, okay. In fact, things were just
ducky until I was on the phone with someone
telling them how well the installation had
gone. Normally, I'd have waited till about
the third or fourth version of the system
software hit the shelves begore I went hog
wild. You know, my machine isn't on a network,
it's just me, and I'm very happy with how
things are. Don't fuck with it, in other
Upon getting off the phone
after raving about OS8's alleged stability
I started up my machine...or well, maybe
a better way of saying it is, "I tried
to start up my machine." Sad Macs all
around. System Enablers crashing, software
refusing to load, preference files mysteriously
deleted, and Photoshop type that looked
all kindsa screwy.
This does me no good. Photoshop,
Quark, and HTML are what pay the bills around
here, and not having them work is not a
good thing. Several hours on the phone with
Apple "support" later and I'm
trying to do what I already figured I'd
have to try at some point...the dreaded
erase that hard drive and start from scratch.
Sure, there was a good four years worth
of junk and detritus clogging up the arteries
of my hard drive, but was all this agony
really my punishment for years of "dirty"
To make a long story short,
my Mac is now working, but if I want to
use Photoshop I have to shut off virtual
memory, reboot and go back to work. This
isn't a little bit annoying. Tomorrow I'll
be waiting for the happy overnight guy to
deliver another 16 megs of RAM in order
to actually use all of my software without
having to reboot any time I switch applications.
The moral to the story? Figure
it out yourself...I used to be so damn smart
and now look what's happened.
Unfortunately, all this HAL-like
nonsense has left little time for junk culturing
this week, but I do have a few news releases
from the outposts...
knows that the net and naked amateurs go
together like Hollandaise and asparagus,
like Scotch and a beer back. And while I
do like the instant gratification the net
delivers, I'd rather be using it to purchase
books, sell my junk culture crap, and, yes,
order videos of naked amateurs.
To me, nothing beats having
that video on hand (so to speak) in order
to rekindle some memories or share with
others. But trawling through the web to
find hot, kinky amateurs is sort of time-consuming.
I could be out finding a cure for cancer,
solving the underage drinking problem, or
getting more Chilean red wine for dinner.
That's why you need The
Amateur Video Yellow Pages, clearinghouse
for info about the hottest tail offering
homegrown, homemade videos.
The publication is brought
to you by the fine folks that publish Homemade
Hot Shots Magazine and the Kinky Personals
web site. Need I say more?
reported last week on the Nuclear Blast
bar, a crunchy Nestle candy bar that included
popping candy (Pop Rocks) as a tie-in to
the disaster flick ARMAGEDDON.
If only as much thought had gone into the
film's THE DIRTY DOZEN IN SPACE plot as
apparently went into the cross-candy-merchandising.
Another trip to the grocery
store netted another ARMAGEDDON tie-in,
this one far more sinister and involving.
While the Nestle Nuclear Blast Bar didn't
really get you involved until you bit into
it, the Armageddon Asteroid is a hollow
chocolate sphere filled with "meteroite
candy". I haven't braved the freezer
in order to actually eat these concoctions,
but I'll certainly report back -- or have
The Hungover Gourmet eat them -- with the
Last, and certainly least,
is another follow-up to an item in last
Despite what you might glean
from the pages of ER or a quick trip 'round
this site, I don't watch that much TV. I
don't really like TV these days, especially
ABC's continuingly insulting "TV is
bad" ad campiagn. Folks, it was clever
for about ten seconds.
Anyway, my viewing is pretty
predictable: BATMAN on the WB at 4:30 each
weekday. JEOPARDY! each night at 7. And
THE SIMPSONS, KING OF THE HILL, SOUTH PARK,
MILLENNIUM, and 90210 when their new seasons
are in full swing.
Those are the only shows I
consider "must-sees", though I
have developed an odd affinity for a show
that many of my friends hate: TWO GUYS,
A GIRL, AND A PIZZA PLACE. But that's neither
here nor there.
To me, THE REAL WORLD is my
summer replacement for 90210. Most, if not
all, of the character are unsympathetic
assholes, their dilemmas have nothing to
do with "the real world" or my
world, and I'd like to see them disappear
into the black hole of pop culture iconography.
But dammit, they get me to
tune in each week.
So, when I tuned in July 7th
and found no 'Real World' on MTV at 10 pm
Tuesday night, I was a bit miffed...to say
the least. Oh sure, I ranted and railed
about the apartment for a good 20 minutes,
but then I took matters into hand. I fired
off a nasty e-mail to MTV. I'm guessing
that an insulting diatribe about what an
asshole Kurt Loder is is pretty low on their
priority list these days. I'm sure that's
why I haven't received an official reply!
The lone mature member of
our staff -- my older brother -- took it
upon himself to find out why the episode
didn't air as scheduled. After telling him
there was "no reason," the pesky
MTV operator hung up on him! The cajones
it must take to hang up on a devoted, 40-year-old
viewer! I guess he won't be purchasing any
MTV Beach House attire!
Fortunately all is well, and
the episode aired this past Tuesday. Will
Nate Dog punch out Stephen? Will Lindsay
get any air time? Can Irene please do something
about that voice? Tune in next time for
more 'Real World' notes and more plugs,
rants, and shameless self-promotion!
That's it for this week...