Let's
see. Our current President (or, should I
say, Resident?) is the under-achieving son
of a former Prez. He also swore up and down
that he'd never apologize to China in order
to get our hostages, er, servicemen and
women, released. Instead, he just apologized
twice. Now that's what I call takin' a strong
stand!
It made me wish that Reagan
was still in office, but then I realized
that Reagan's about 108 years-old at this
point, so maybe he wouldn't be the best
choice. Actually, the guy we really want
to be Prez is Harrison Ford, or at least
the guy he plays in this flick from Wolfgang
Peterson.
Not only does this President
take a strong hand against terrorists with
his rhetoric, but he isn't above bustin'
a few chops, cappin' a few knees, and gettin'
his hands dirty when it comes to the filthy
Commie skum. Oh yeah, and he's got a female
Vice President! What is this, science fiction?!!!
AIR FORCE ONE is like one
of those Tom Clancy novels gone haywire.
Fitting since Ford played the Jack Ryan
role in the dreadful PATRIOT GAMES and even
worse CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER before getting
replaced by Ben Affleck (ouch!). This time
out though he's got some silly Western name,
like James Marshall or something like that.
The kinda name Gary Cooper would always
get saddled with. (No pun intended.)
After a rousing Bond-styled
opening in which poor Jurgen Prochnow (bad
skin and always a villain!) gets nabbed
by good Commies who've teamed up with us
Yanks, The Prez drops the bomb at a state
dinner in Russia that we'll never deal with
terrorists. Well, maybe he'll want to reconsider
that after they just let Gary Oldman --
in full method Commie mode -- waltz onto
the plane with his "news crew."
Guys, I wouldn't let Gary Oldman in my house
let alone on my plane, so I guess you get
what you deserve.
As always, Gary's up to no
good. (But, unlike Jurgen Prochnow, he appears
to have fairly decent skin despite his years
of hard living.) Gary and friends take over
the plane, demanding that Jurgen Prochnow
be released in order to lead his dissident
troops and maybe get some Retin-A. Unfortunately
for Gary and Co., they didn't count on there
being a "can do," "take charge"
kind of President on board. Instead of pulling
a Clinton and totally bailing on his staff
and family, Ford blows the escape pod to
make them think he's a big sissy and then
spends the rest of the flick getting into
one hairy scrape after another.
Yep, it's DIE HARD ON THE
PRESIDENT'S PLANE.
AIR FORCE ONE might not be
so hard to take if they hadn't just kept
pushing and pushing and pushing. Gang, you
know me, I'm willing to buy just about anything
up to a point. But AFO reaches a point where
even I was threatening to toss a full soda
at the screen!
And, could somebody tell me
why the Secret Service guy is in on it,
and why he just doesn't keep his mouth shut
and gun holstered once the rest of his terrorist
buddies are dead?
