Review by Ernie Santilli
Is ALL-AMERICAN MURDER innocent
or guilty of being worth a look? Could it
be yet another hackneyed slasher pic, directed
by a sitcom has-been (and terrible singer)
for the profitable Christopher Walken direct-to-video
market? Or did "Potsie" and crew
decide to tweak the hoary formula in a manner
so subtle yahoos wouldn't notice, but brighter
viewers would "get," in essence
creating a film for the dullars and
sharpies?
I submit the latter to be
the case here. Either that or Anson Williams'
sole talent is finding employment. To put
it succinctly, is this film is meant to
be taken seriuously, IT HUFFS HUGE.
The A-AM storyline could have
been jotted on a cocktail napkin -- and
probably was. Nineties version of "rebellious
youth" (Charlie Schlatter) is sent
to conservative college, falls for squeky-clean
cheerleader. She's murdered; he's prime
suspect. Viewers know and one (Walken) suspects
boy didn't kill girl. Kid has 24 hours to
prove it.
So, what evidence do I present
to support the allegation that there's a
whole lot of spoofin' going on? Walken has
a thick drawl -- which disappears without
a trace after the first scene. When Schlatter
meets his dream girl, the most stomach-churning,
sappy "teen love" theme blares,
a song totally out-of-synch with the rest
of the soundtrack. We later learn Miss Goody
Two-Shoes and a frat guy pal regularly have
threesomes with hookers.
Want more? After a while you
just can't help laughing at how every time
Schlatter plays a scene with anyone but
Walken that person is slain immediately
thereafter. Rather than being repulsed by
the sight of dead bodies at every turn,
Schlatter's reactions tend to be a nonchalant,
"Oh, darn, another corpse. This is
sure going to be tough to explain"
expression. (Note, in particular, the near-disregard
for the frat boy's stiff -- complete with
knife embedded in back -- when the two leads
return to Charlie's room.)
As a clincher there is the
strict dean's student-boffing wife, played
by a well-preserved Joanna Cassidy, who
deadpans, "I may be a liar, a cheat,
a drunk, and a tramp, but I've got principles."
I rest my case.
ALL-AMERICAN MURDER (think
about the inanity of that title) is played
with an absolutely straight face. There
are no cinematic winks of the eye, double
takes, intentionally hammy performances,
comedic sound effects or any of the sundry
other devices traditionally employed to
denote satire. This is not THE ZUCKER BROTHERS
GO TO DEATH COLLEGE -- and as such it probably
"works" as a whodunit for the
dimmer tape renters.
It's my theory that a pre-production
meeting was held during which Williams said,
"Look, we've been hired to crank out
this artless crap that hardly anyone will
ever see. Rather than suffer through a painful
shoot, why don't we amuse ourselves by making
the thing even worse than it's written?
Let's screw around with it and see if anyone
notices." At least, I really hope
that's what transpired.
Is ALL-AMERICAN MURDER trash
or treasure? You be the judge.
