Available
on Dimension Home Video | Review by Dan Taylor
I
don't know what my problem is, but I'm a
sucker for the likes of puffy Steven Segal,
indecipherable Jean Claude Van Damme and
mono-syllabic Dolph Lundgren. In fact, I'm
not sure what the appeal is.
Could it be the check-your-brain-at-the-door
plotlines, which rescue me from the pressures
of the daily grind? Do their heroics inspire
me to find the eye of the tiger lurking
within my own tortured psyche? Or, as girlfriends
past and present have suggested, do I just
like seeing people and shit get blown up,
blown up real good?
I'd like to think the jury's
out on this one.
And so, despite the fact that
I could've watched it on free TV the previous
evening -- or a half-dozen times that weekend
-- I went to the store and rented BLACKJACK.
Much to my chagrin the rental wench informed
me that it'd been on tv the night before,
forcing me to weakly reply that "I
missed it." Yeah, and we wouldn't want
to NOT be up on the Dolph Lundgren filmography
in case "Monosyllabic Action Stars"
turns up as a Jeopardy category!
Surprisingly, BLACKJACK is
brimming with far more plot than your typical
Lundgren affair. Then again, since it was
directed by symbolism-obsessed John Woo
(THE KILLER, FACE/OFF, etc.) maybe it shouldn't
come as that much of a surprise. Yeah, that's
right, the same John Woo currently set to
helm the sequel to MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE took
time out from power lunches and seaweed
wraps to helm this glorified tv-pilot. Why?
Who knows, but I for one welcome Woo to
the small screen.
The story, as it were, revolves
around Lundgren's "Jack," a former
US Marshall turned security specialist.
Friends tell us that "there's no better
backup in a firefight," which means
that he'll be missing when that particular
friend needs him. Fortunately, another friend
tells us that he's "slow to make a
promise, but quick to keep it." The
catch here is that the promise involves
taking care of the stock-issue Delightful
Little Girl character. Can't you see this
argument with the missus? "No, honey,
I'm not leaving our daughter with your aunt
in Iowa. I'd much rather have her cared
for by my security specialist friend who
lives with his 'man Friday' in a New York
apartment that's brimming with guns, small
explosives and other dangerous thingies."
Right...
Don't get your hopes up, though.
Despite Woo's steady hand in the action
sequences, it's hard for him to do anything
with Saul Rubineck's OUTRAGEOUS ACCENT as
"Thomas," Jack's wacky sidekick/butler
or dialogue like, "Have you heard of
a fear of heights? Claustrophobia?"
That's like asking someone if they've heard
of water. And we won't even mention the
knock down, drag-out fight in the dairy.
Yes, you read that correctly. A dairy, complete
with spilt milk as far as they eye can see!
Saddled by the constraints
of network tv, okay USA, BLACKJACK isn't
as violent as one would hope. But, as I
like to say, zen Dolph Lundgren is better
than no Dolph Lundgren at all.
