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Video | Review by Dan Taylor
Did
somebody walk into the offices at New Line
and say, "I've got six words for you
– Snoop Dogg as a Zombie Pimp"?
Because I can't imagine that more went into
the development and writing of this half-baked
horror/revenge flick.
When I started out watching
this on Halloween night I had some hope
for BONES. Director Ernest Dickerson made
his mark as a great cinematographer, but
he's also delivered some Grade-A cinematic
junk that gave me hope – stuff like
SURVIVING THE GAME, DEMON KNIGHT and MONDAY
NIGHT MAYHEM, the TV-movie that looked at
the history of my beloved "Monday Night
Football."
Then there's the great Pam
Grier who co-stars as Snoop's woman (though
they had to cover up some of the junk in
her trunk with blousy outfits for the 70s
sequences), and she's way more at home here
than when she got all artsy on us in JACKIE
BROWN.
And then there's Snoop.
If you've ever caught the
Dogg on Howard Stern or Jimmy Kimmel, checked
out his MTV variety show pilot, watched
ten minutes of THE WASH, or seen the commercials
for the begging-to-be-bought "Girls
Gone Wild Doggy Style," you know that
the former Calvin Broadus is as cool as
an icicle in a motherfuckin' freezer. In
other words, a bona fide star just waiting
for the right material.
Unfortunately, all this
talent can't save the flick from its generic
teen horror first-half (kids take over club
in bad neighborhood complete with bleeding
pipes and throbbing floors), generic revenge
theme second-half (long-dead pimp returns
to kill those who did him in), or the laughable
performance by ex-PRETENDER star Michael
T. Weiss in the worst fat guy makeup since
THINNER.
