Cult Video | Review by Dan Taylor
Imagine a cooking show hosted
by an annoying guy whose best qualities
can be described as a cross between Jack
Black, Ray Liotta and Stuttering John Melendez.
And instead of cooking experts, chefs or
authors, the segments feature a bevy of
chicks from porn films who make you want
to kick in your TV screen.
If you can do that, you don't
need to watch COOKING WITH PORN STARS, a
clever idea sabotaged by one fatal flaw
– people who are high should not be
given access to audio-visual equipment.
Hosted by Colin Malone –
of the infamous "Colin's Sleazy Friends"
program – COOKING WITH... takes us
into the homes of a pre-radical-plastic-surgery
Houston, porn-star roomies Raylene and Chandler,
and Teri Weigel, the Playboy Playmate whose
career detoured through porn and TV's "Married
With Children." Which of those career
highpoints would you tell your parents about?
In Weigel's defense, at least she's never
lowered herself to appearing on "Good
Morning, Miami."
The first segment, in which
Houston inexplicably screws up jello shots,
is chock full of moments that had me reaching
for, but not engaging, the remote. Unscripted
and full of camerawork that made me feel
like I'd had a dozen shots, the segment
is like the worst student film you've ever
witnessed. Moment worth waiting for? Malone's
screamingly insincere Christmas wish to
the firefighters "who gave their lives...
to the New York City, um, tragedy."
While Raylene and Chandler's
segment succeeds in being more watchable
than what came before it, that's akin to
being the best-looking Kennedy girl. Technically
it's a step up, too, as the microphone can
actually pick up all the subtleties of the
kitchen chat about double-penetration. And
why do I think George Foreman would be PISSED
about the multiple mentions of his grill
during this monstrosity?
Weigel's segment benefits
greatly from her vast acting experience.
She seems to have a clue about how to make
the dish she's presenting and the whole
segment has a tipsy charm that was missing
from the other porn star visits. That said,
if you're considering getting sober this
is the DVD to convince you. I lost count
of how many times I thought, "Jesus,
have I ever acted like THAT?!"
Check out our review of the
second installment, COOKING
WITH PORN STARS FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
