Exploitation Retrospect | The Journal of Junk Culture and Fringe Media
Cooking with Porn Stars (2001)
Cult Video | Review by Dan Taylor

Imagine a cooking show hosted by an annoying guy whose best qualities can be described as a cross between Jack Black, Ray Liotta and Stuttering John Melendez. And instead of cooking experts, chefs or authors, the segments feature a bevy of chicks from porn films who make you want to kick in your TV screen.

If you can do that, you don't need to watch COOKING WITH PORN STARS, a clever idea sabotaged by one fatal flaw – people who are high should not be given access to audio-visual equipment.

Hosted by Colin Malone – of the infamous "Colin's Sleazy Friends" program – COOKING WITH... takes us into the homes of a pre-radical-plastic-surgery Houston, porn-star roomies Raylene and Chandler, and Teri Weigel, the Playboy Playmate whose career detoured through porn and TV's "Married With Children." Which of those career highpoints would you tell your parents about? In Weigel's defense, at least she's never lowered herself to appearing on "Good Morning, Miami."

The first segment, in which Houston inexplicably screws up jello shots, is chock full of moments that had me reaching for, but not engaging, the remote. Unscripted and full of camerawork that made me feel like I'd had a dozen shots, the segment is like the worst student film you've ever witnessed. Moment worth waiting for? Malone's screamingly insincere Christmas wish to the firefighters "who gave their lives... to the New York City, um, tragedy."

While Raylene and Chandler's segment succeeds in being more watchable than what came before it, that's akin to being the best-looking Kennedy girl. Technically it's a step up, too, as the microphone can actually pick up all the subtleties of the kitchen chat about double-penetration. And why do I think George Foreman would be PISSED about the multiple mentions of his grill during this monstrosity?

Weigel's segment benefits greatly from her vast acting experience. She seems to have a clue about how to make the dish she's presenting and the whole segment has a tipsy charm that was missing from the other porn star visits. That said, if you're considering getting sober this is the DVD to convince you. I lost count of how many times I thought, "Jesus, have I ever acted like THAT?!"

Check out our review of the second installment, COOKING WITH PORN STARS FOR THE HOLIDAYS.


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