Exploitation Retrospect | The Journal of Junk Culture and Fringe Media
Cooking with Porn Stars for the Holidays (2003)
Cult DVD |
Review by Dan Taylor

The idea of a cooking show featuring porn stars making their favorite meals is loaded with potential. In the first outing, host Colin Malone sleazed his way into the homes of stars like Houston and Teri Weigel to watch them attempt things like Jell-O Shots while he stood around drinking and getting high. A great concept sabotaged by the chaos that results from giving audio-visual equipment to people that are high. The second installment – ostensibly centered around a "holiday" theme – takes us into three new porn star kitchens, again with hazy, pot-singed results.

Nakita Kash & Calli Cox provide viewers with a fractured lesson in casserole history while attempting to make Green Bean Casserole. I've known people who could barely make toast that were successful in making an edible version of this dish, yet Kash & Cox only succeed in turning me off to Cream of Mushroom Soup and making something that looks unappetizing in any form. To their, credit, though, they're not all high and dopey and their small-chested-brunette/big-boobed-blonde dynamic makes them a bit easier to take.

When Tabitha Stevens answers the door in mid-toke you know you're in for a segment that'll quickly disintegrate into topless depravity. Stevens – who has a perpetually surprised expression that suggests "Shannen-Doherty-meets-Lara-Flynn-Boyle" – doesn't fail to deliver and whips off her top and squeezes her lactating boobs mere minutes into baking holiday cookies. Speaking of baking, Stevens and Malone smoke constantly as the segment crashes and burns with the host licking frosting off her body while she sucks handfuls of the sugary goo off his hand, all the while plugging her adult toy store. Fans of car crashes, train wrecks and other disasters will eat it up.

Unfortunately, the segment with the most potential – from a cooking standpoint, at least – includes almost zero culinary information. Voluptuous Ruby calls herself spicy and likes spicy food, so she plans on making Jambalaya and some Dirty Rice. We see her drain some fat from the pan and brown some ground beef... and, well, that's about it. Despite the fact that she seems to know what the hell she's doing (even Malone comments how different the segment is from the Tabitha Stevens toke-a-thon) we spend more time watching the busty, giggly porn star shower and skinny-dip.

While the first installment made me want to kick my TV in, the Holiday episode gets high marks for featuring genuine laughs. No pun intended, Even the sleazy Malone is less annoying this time around. Frankly, I'm actually intrigued about the possibilities for a third installment.

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