Review by Dan Taylor
JG
Ballard's 'Crash' was one of those books
my buddies talked up a bunch back in the
days when ER was first getting started.
The concept seemed out there enough –
crash victims explore the explosive and
violent eroticism of car accidents –
that David Cronenberg would be a natural
to direct its big-screen adaptation.
After all, Cronenberg had
explored the dark side of sex and science
with flicks like RABID, THE BROOD, and THE
FLY. Why not explore man's fascination with
car crashes and how their violent nature
parallels the violent nature of sex and
orgasm? If Cronenberg couldn't make sense
of the concept, maybe nobody could.
Okay, so maybe nobody can
make sense of the concept.
CRASH, an adaptation friends
tell me is extremely close to the source
material and an improvement in some areas,
is one of those flicks that I never really
need to see again. One of those flicks that
made me want to shower halfway through it.
You know, like BAD LIEUTENANT.
James Spader stars as James
Ballard, a guy who produces or directs soft-core
or hard-core porn flicks. I think. Character
detail and motivation doesn't really seem
to interest Cronenberg, but I'm willing
to play along. Especially when he takes
every opportunity to have sexy, sleepy Deborah
Unger rub her boobs on an airplane (don't
ask) or lift her skirt to expose stocking-and-garter-clad
thighs. Though her resemblance – at
times – to Jenne Elfman kinda freaks
me out. You see, Unger plays Ballard's wife
Catherine, and they're bored. Or something.
So she does guys in airplane hangers while
he nails Asian cameragirls on his office
desk. Then they talk about it on the balcony
of their hi-rise apartment building while
they watch traffic go by.
And I thought I had some sucky
relationships over the years!
Anyway, Ballard is seriously
injured in a car crash that kills some guy
and injures his wife, Dr. Helen Remington
(Holly Hunter). Their relationship leads
to violent sex in mangled cars, parked cars,
ah hell, any cars. It also leads to a society
of car-crash freakos led by Vaughn (Elias
Koteas of SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL) and populated
with the likes of a stuntman with a Jayne
Mansfield fixation (Peter MacNeill) and
a disfigured beauty with a vagina-like scar
running down the back of her thigh (Rosanna
Arquette as Gabrielle).
CRASH is like a trip to Freak
Central that makes David Lynch look like
Dr. Seuss. And I was doing alright until
Spader and Koteas start sucking face –
and other things – in the front seat
of Koteas's powerful, manly auto that smells
of semen. Ick.
Frankly, I can't recommend
CRASH unless you're feeling like you're
a weirdo and you need to know that yes,
there just might be sicker individuals lurking
out there.
