Columbia
Tri-Star Home Video
There's a kernel of a good
idea at the center of this kickfest from
Jean Claude Van Damme and Hong Kong director
Tsui Hark (PEKING OPERA BLUES, A CHINESE
GHOST STORY).
Van
Damme (as shadowy government operative John
Quinn) botches an attempt to apprehend his
arch nemesis, the international terrorist
Stavros (a beefed-up Mickey Rourke who's
in pretty good shape for a big, stinky drunk
-- all that bitch slappin' keeps him pretty
toned). In the process, Stavros's son is
killed and Quinn is left for dead after
a battle in a hospital nursery (sound familiar?)
while his nemesis moves on.
The above, of course, isn't
the good idea I'm suggesting. No, when Quinn
awakes, he finds himself on The Colony,
a remote island that's sorta like The Island
of Misfit Spies. Here he finds a think tank
of former operatives too valuable to be
killed. Instead, governments fake their
deaths and staff the island with them in
exchange for their assistance in analyzing
terrorist attacks and recommending strategies.
Not bad, right? Sorta like
an up-to-date version of THE PRISONER with
more kung-fu and less talk. Unfortunately,
DOUBLE TEAM shoots itself in the foot by
not spending more time on the island, putting
Van Damme's escape plan into gear moments
after he arrives. Which, of course, translates
into the Obligatory JCVD Training Sequence
(Watch Jean Claude kick a bucket! See Jean
Claude hold his breath underwater! Witness
Jean Claude cut off his own thumb print!)
and an opportunity for our hero to showcase
his acting chops. Oh boy.
It's sort of a sad commentary
on these other agents that Van Damme can
escape in what seems like days (but must
be months) while they've been toiling in
Club Fed for years and years. Doesn't anyone
want out of this sideshow?
Once Quinn and kooky, cross-dressing,
pierced and tattooed arms dealer Yaz (the
typecast Dennis Rodman) set out after Stavros
(who has captured Quinn's preggers wife
in retribution for his own son's death),
DOUBLE TEAM is as paint-by-numbers as a
Harlem Globetrotters game. There's the pesky
Hong Kong assassin with switchblades between
his toes (!), generic agents from every
nation in the world, and a confrontation
between Van Damme and a tiger that's strangely
reminiscent of that Bruce Li flick where
he fought the gorilla!
Since TIMECOP and SUDDEN DEATH,
Jean Claude's script choices have gone from
unwatchable (THE QUEST) and fascinatingly
disjointed (MAXIMUM
RISK), to this slightly above-average
affair. With a couple more flicks in the
pipeline (the bombs-posing-as-jeans KNOCK-OFF
and ABOMINABLE?), the Mussels from Brussels
is in danger of wearing out his welcome.
DOUBLE TEAM Survival Tip:
If caught in a relic-crumbling explosion
and firestorm, hide behind the nearest soda
machine you can find.
