I was looking forward to this!? An absolutely unimaginative and snooze-inducing vampire entry, DRACULA RISING is about as noodlebrained as they come. Christopher Atkins (BLUE LAGOON) stars as "Vlad" -- hey, stop laughing, this is serious stuff! -- who was a blonde, tan, buff priest during a European plague some 500 years ago.

The one true love of his life was burned at the stake because of their forbidden love, but -- stop me if you've heard this before -- she's back on Earth as an antique restorer specializing in old castles and shit. Can Vlad rekindle the ol' Black Magic? Does she have the willpower to resist him? Will the evil vampire (Doug Wert) leave any scenery unchomped?

Populated with two of the most amateurish, unfrightening vampires in cinematic history -- my 4th grade Noxzema and mascara job was much more impressive and horrifying -- DRACULA RISING is a must-miss effort. Despite the names associated with the project (Big Rog' Corman produced and Rodman Flender -- director of LEPRECHAUN 2, UNBORN and IN THE HEAT OF PASSION -- cowrote the screenplay) and a slick, fun trailer, this dog is fiendish in its badness. Easily one of the most horrid releases I've suffered through recently, and I've seen CONSENTING ADULTS. Avoid at all costs.