Universal Pictures | Review by Dan Taylor
So
maybe Universal should've paid Vin Diesel
the alleged $30 million he wanted to star
in the sequel to THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS.
Maybe then it'd at least be watchable.
2 FAST picks up after the
end of 2001's surprise car-cop surprise
smash hit that made Diesel a bankable box
office star (though XXX,
a franchise he chose over this flick didn't
exactly set the world on fire). With Vin's
character motoring his way into Mexico,
undercover cop/gearhead Brian O'Connor (the
amiable but wooden Paul Walker) has been
forced to seek refuge as a street racer
in the low-profile world of South Beach
in Miami, FLA.
Now referred to as "Bullet,"
O'Connor is picking up cash winning races
against the most ethnically-balanced band
of car jockeys in the world. It's like an
advertisement for Jesse Jackson's Rainbow
Coalition as O'Connor hops out of bed and
into his tricked out sports car for a film-opening
battle against an African American, a Hispanic,
and an Asian chick. Who happens to be named
"Suki." Is it me, or is there
always an Asian chick named "Suki"?
Busted by the feds or the
cops or customs, O'Connor finds himself
hauled before his old LA boss (played by
Thom Barry) and customs agent Markham (the
ever-hammy James Remar, who seems to deliver
every line like he's hard of hearing). Seems
they want to nail a generic villain named
Carter Verone (Cole Hauser), which is like
a blend of preppy first name and Hispanic
last name so as not to offend anybody. An
undercover custom agent (the curvy but forgettable
Eva Mendes of EXIT
WOUNDS and DESPERADO 2) has been given
the job of finding drivers for Verone, and
she can get O'Connor onto the payroll.
This setup admirably comes
in the flick's first 20 minutes, maybe even
quicker. For a check-your-brain-at-the-door
popcorn movie that's a good sign. What happens
next even stretches the credibility of something
called 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS.
Faced with the prospect of
going to jail for his previous indiscretions
(aiding and abetting, etc.), O'Connor accepts
the deal but only if he can select his fellow
driver. The feds agree – natch –
and we're introduced to Roman Pearce (Tyrese),
who is supposed to be an old buddy of O'Connor's.
Seems the two had a falling out when Brian
became a pig and Pearce landed in the joint
for three years.
I have trouble believing that
these two characters grew up on the same
PLANET, let alone the same neighborhood.
White bread Walker still delivers his lines
like he's in the spooky college thriller
THE SKULLS while Tyrese could be auditioning
for a gig as Snoop's sidekick on Doggy Fizzle
Televizzle! In a flick full of ludicrous
car stunts, over-the-top acting and chicks
falling for Walker despite the fact that
it might get them killed, this relationship
is one of the biggest head-scratchers of
'em all.
And speaking of ludicrous
car stunts, the flick doesn't even up the
ante by coming up with spectacular sequences
that are bigger and more impressive than
those of its predecessor. THE FAST AND THE
FURIOUS had a handful of heart-pumping stunts
that would've made THE ROAD WARRIOR proud.
Instead, 2 FAST has a been there, done that
feel, like they're left over from an episode
of FOX's FASTLANE.
Paper thin plot, forgettable
villains, dull car sequences and a wooden
hero all lead up to a Diesel-free dud.
