Don't confuse THE FEAR with FEAR, the William Peterson/Mark Whalberg flick that was a decent bad-boy-stalks-daddy's-little-girl flick. No, THE FEAR is the nth rip-off of the kids-isolated-in-the-woods concept we've been force fed 1000 times since the original FRIDAY THE 13TH.

To be honest, I'd rather watch any of the F13 flicks (especially 2, 4, 9 or X) than most of the retreads in its wake. Hell, those folks had the right formula: indestructible killer meets victims you'd be happy to see scragged.

But, back to THE FEAR. I'd been advised that it was a howler in the same vein as other classics like ISLAND CLAWS (killer crabs run amok and characters say lines like, "I didn't know you liked bikes..."). Note to self: never take that person's advice again.

Here's the premise: at a cabin in the woods (sigh), a bunch of rather long-in-the-tooth college students (ugh) gather to research their fears (am I getting paid for this?). There they confront issues from their past, and the object of fear becomes a wooden mannequin named "Morty." How can I possibly lose sleep over something called "Morty"? Maybe Ernest Borgnine as "Marty," but not a mannequin named "Morty."

I've always believed that making good horror films meant following a deceptively simple blueprint: create likeable characters and threaten to kill them. THE FEAR's major failure is the lack of characters we like or want to see live till the end. Oh, and Wes Craven -- the world's most pretentious hack -- even makes a cameo. Is there any way Morty (or Marty) could kill him? (Perhaps this paint-by-numbers horror flick inspired SCREAM, Craven's well-received horror parody/opus.)