Review by Dan Taylor
A mid-January heatwave in
Japan? Three shooting "stars"?
An arriving princess from a small Himalayan
community whose cardboard plane explodes
due to an M-80? A geological expedition
investigating huge, growing "meteorites"?
What does it all add up to?
Another fun-filled, all-star Japanese monster
bash starring Godzilla, Rhodan, Mothra,
and the newest monster-on-the-block, Ghidrah
– a three-headed, laser-shooting, flying
monster that's basically kicking the shit
out of Tokyo.
The "story" (read
"excuse for guys in rubber suits to
smash scale models to smithereens")
concerns a princess on her way to Japan
for a visit. "The Saucer People"
hypnotize her, convince her off the doomed
flight and make her think she's a Martian.
(Sounds like one of my weekends in college.)
She then wanders around warning people about
the impending destruction of Earth by Ghidrah,
as assassins from her homeland (led by the
Japanese Dean Stockwell) try to finish the
hit.
But who really cares as Rhodan
emerges from the side of a mountain and
Godzilla pops up from the sea to torch the
hell out of a passing ship. Pretty soon
the two are up to their old shenanigans,
as they fight between themselves while Ghidrah
serves up some wholesale death and destruction
of his own.
Luckily, the Twin Faries from
Mothra's island are in Tokyo, and they summon
our slug-like friend with their incredible
song. (NOTE: High-pitched calls of "Moth-a-ra,
Moth-a-ra" played over your stereo
have a wild effect on neighborhood pets.)
As Mothra makes its way to Tokyo, Godzilla
and Rhodan battle it out in classic form.
The Big G is quite impressive as he employs
"Angry Baseball Manager" monster-fu
by kicking huge boulders at his winged opponent.
Mothra then silly-strings both of them so
that they can debate whether or not to save
the Earth from Ghidrah. (Ted Koppel would
kill to have this debate on 'Nightline.')
Godzilla and Rhodan, too concerned
with wrestling each other, let poor little
Mothra attempt to defend the Earth by him/her/itself.
After a few slug-flipping laser zaps from
Ghidrah the monsters band together for a
3 MONSTER TAG-TEAM FEST that could eat any
ECW, NWO or WWF tag-team for appetizers!!!
Basically the three "good"
monsters teach the Three-Headed one a serious
lesson about muscling in on new turf. As
with all classic monster flicks (and this
ranks in my book with DESTROY ALL MONSTERS
and KING KONG VS. GODZILLA), the battles
are the main attraction, but the dialogue
provides its own special moments of hilarity.
A sampling of the best: "An obvious
case of incipient megalomania." "Ah,
these monsters are as stupid as human beings."
"Oh Godzilla, what terrible language!"
And the Japanese equivalent of the Emergency
Broadcast System: "Clear the area immediately!
Godzilla and Rhodan are approaching!"
Surely a message that'll calm the masses.
GHIDRAH: THE 3-HEADED MONSTER
is a classic example of Japanese monsterfest
filmmaking. I laughed, I cried, it became
a part of me. I highly recommend it.
