Exploitation Retrospect | The Journal of Junk Culture and Fringe Media

Girls Riot (1983)
Acorn Video | Review by Dan Taylor

I've enjoyed all sorts of European sleaze, from the shores of Italy to the castles of Spain. But when I'm looking for hardcore degenerate behavior captured on film the Germans have always been a "go to" country. Hey, after viewing something as depraved as TEENAGE PISS PARTY I never expected them to create something as dull, boring and unexciting as the truly wretched GIRLS RIOT (Acorn Video).

Actually, it didn't start off too bad. A series of talking head shots open the film up, and a succession of girls respond to the question, "What are the first three things that come into your head?" "Father... Mother... Beer Festival" had me rolling on the floor, but "House... Hammer... Tenderness" was an uncalled-for shot to the bread-basket that caused more than one member of the ER Crew to snarf his Natty Boh! Too bad the remainder of the flick couldn't live up to this off-the-wall introductory tone.

In actuality, GIRLS RIOT doesn't take place in a prison at all, it's more like a vocational home for emotionally disturbed chicks. But, the filmmakers lied, because there really isn't a riot... so I guess nobody can be trusted.

The flick follows the normal route that seems to be in the "How to Write a Women In Prison/Girls In a Home Flick" pamphlet, available from your local County Extension Office. The Warden/Head Mistress is cruel and unusual... the new Guard/Teacher understands the Inmates/Whackos and can relate to their problems. Everything is all well and good until some dire emergency takes place and all hell breaks loose... and you know the story from there.

Andrea Zeller is the new monitor for the school, and she's dropped off there by her Aryan boyfriend... jeez, the way they say goodbye you'd think she was going to her grandmother's house for the weekend, not to a reform school for psycho chicks. One look at Andrea and you know this babe has "I'll crack under pressure" tattooed on her left butt cheek.

Pretty soon the cruel Head Mistress (who is one serious lush) catches Andrea in a room with Sonya (a psycho) who is exposing her tiny twin peaks! Yikes, it was all innocent enough, but not to a liquored-up broad with a really bad haircut. So Andrea has some duties taken away, the Head Mistress insults one of the girl's fathers while she's all toked up on Night Train, and Andrea totally cracks under the pressure (see!) when Sonya tells her that she gets her rocks off by trying to give the priest a hard-on at mass!

Hey, I just went back and re-read this, and I'm making this thing sound WAY better than it really is!

As for Catfights, this flick rates a big fat ZERO since the only bone they throw us is two chicks whipping wet towels at one another and a mediocre "head in the toilet bowl" scene! It's a shame that writer/director Manfred Purzer didn't spend more time getting involved in the subplot about the pimp who uses escapees from the school – that was just about the most interesting, make that ONLY interesting, part of the entire flick.

Bonus points for the line, "You know, my grandmother used to say, 'It is better to crouch than to bend over.'" And would someone please introduce director Manfred to the 180° Rule so that I don't have to be rushed to the Emergency Room with "Exploitodisorientiasis" again. My insurance doesn't cover the shots.

Our eBay Store

The ER Blog

The Hungover Gourmet | Food, Drink, Travel, Fun

Site Meter


E-Mail Us Home Reviews Guide to Klaus Kinski Features Interviews About Contribute Contact The ER Blog