Available from Sub Rosa Cinema | Review by Crites
I sat in front of my DVD player holding this disc just thinking, "Man, this is gonna suck. Man, this is gonna suck. Man, is this ever gonna suck." Well does it? Let's find out. (Little hint: it sucks.)
Fruity narration of the legend of the Intercessor is accompanied by fruity Eighties hair metal and the overly lengthy Thor-laden credits, and then...and then...
Harold is a whiny, oily, crippled comic book geek who lives in his Aunt Beatrix' basement dreaming of and drawing Intercessor. Somehow poor Harry gets caught up in the middle of an age-old war between Intercessor John Triton (Thor) and the dark forces of Zompira and Mephisto, and in the process becomes his own personal hero. For a time. All of this takes place of course between the greater themes of good vs. evil vs. innocence vs. better judgment on the part of the filmmakers and the audience, and there are a bunch of half-assed zombies and shit thrown in for the hell of it all.
And that's about the size of it. But gee, where to begin with the utter and incomprehensible fucking bogosity of it all? Well, for starters this is a totally Thor production. It stars Thor (John Mikl Thor, actually), it was produced by Thor, it's got music by Thor and it's based on a character by Thor. Thor IS the Intercessor. And after hearing his album I could have told you far in advance that this was all one big bad idea. Sure, he has a bit of cult status in certain circles, but the appeal evades me and, fortunately, those circles ripple far outside of mine.
Spam-handed acting in nearly every scene, token mythological characters, lousy Middle Earth-style fight scenes with sorrowful fight choreography, piss-poor high school quality comic art, shit costumes, shit makeup, shit set dressing, shit acting, shit dialogue, and in the background, everywhere, all the time, bad heavy metal. There's even a shameless Forrest Gump moment when Harry kicks off his leg brace to fight a horde of zombies with his crutch. And although it should be hilarious watching Thor battle tree twigs (yes, it's like being eleven years old and playing D&D in your backyard) or seeing one of the 'Four Horsemen' stab somebody in the leg with a plastic sword, these scenes just aren't funny enough to redeem the time lost watching this picture.
There's a load of filler space about the dark side trying to corrupt some innocent little kid (how hard can it really be for the forces of evil to make away with an eight-year-old girl?), and with the sad parable about believing in yourself (enough to draw comics and fight demons) I'm sure this is all meant to be really inspiring, man. But instead it somehow manages to end up being rather cheap and embarrassing.
It's all executed with the tact and skill of a twelve-step stage play – conducted by ex-members of GWAR and the Village People at a renaissance fair. It's so bad it almost made me wish I was a pothead so that I could view it on two levels – but then again, even if completely bombed I think I could find better things to do than watch this videographic abortion twice.
Man, do Sub Rosa Studios ever suck. Imagine a film stable a thousand times worse than Troma and you're close to the level of quality behind INTERCESSOR. This is completely irredeemable on every level, even failing as low-grade camp. If you were twelve years old you'd be mighty proud to have made such a movie – but in your heart of hearts you'd know you could do better. So again, to paraphrase Homer Simpson, "I've seen flicks suck before, but that was the suckiest bunch of suck that ever sucked!" An excruciating viewing experience; avoid at all costs.
There may or may not be special features to the DVD presentation of Intercessor; once the movie was over I ripped this thing out of my DVD player so fast it got hat burn.
