Somewhere
along the line I became a Dolph Lundgren
fan. Maybe "fan" isn't the right
word. Perhaps "completist" is
a better description.
Frankly, I'm not sure where
this happened and I'm definitely not sure
why, but I've seen everything from MASTERS
OF THE UNIVERSE to PENTATHALON, THE
PUNISHER to BLACKJACK.
So, I guess it shouldn't have surprised
me when this flick showed up in my mailbox
courtesy of NetFlix. Troubling thing is,
I don't remember putting it on my list,
and I certainly don't remember placing it
at the top of a list that's typically 100+
flicks long.
What was my frame of mind
when I decided that this synopsis was appealing?
"When his high powered brother is brutally
murdered by a serial killer, Murray Wilson
launches his own investigation, infiltrating
the powerful underground world of political
intrigue and illicit affairs. What he discovers
is a twisted realm of sexual bondage, corruption
and violence." Murray Wilson? On what
planet does Dolph Lundgren look like he'd
be named Murray Wilson?!!
Unfortunately, what they neglect
to tell you is that the tale is set in late-1970s
Boston, has all the somnambulic pacing of
a bad TV movie, wants to be clever in that
Italian giallo flick way, and has
the misfortune of showcasing our "hero"
in a bondage contraption complete with ball
gag! Ick...
What seems to be lost on the
Lundgrens of the world is that we want to
see them kicking ass and taking names. Not
showing their weepy, sensitive side. And
especially not hanging upside down in some
leather-clad dominatrix's den of pleasure
and pain.
JILL THE RIPPER is a deathly
dull affair, made even more disappointing
by the fact that it was directed by Anthony
Hickox, who came to our attention with winners
like WAXWORK (and semi-stinkers like SUNDOWN).
Hopefully, he and Lundgren can both bounce
back from what is a career
low-point. One can't imagine it getting
much worse than this.
