Destination
Home Video | Review by Dan Taylor
Like SLAPSHOT 2 – another
straight-to-video flick nobody was clamoring
for – this "sequel" to 1998's
VAMPIRES is really nothing of the sort.
What it is is an attempt to cash in with
a cheapo sequel-in-name-only that people
might rent because: a) they're confused;
or, b) all the copies of a better flick
like RESIDENT EVIL are gone.
LOS MUERTOS stars noted thespian
Jon Bon Jovi as vampire hunter Derek Bliss
(please, no giggling). This makes the entire
ordeal hard to take seriously. Even as camp.
Or parody. Or anything. Which is a shame,
because writer/director Tommy Lee Wallace
cranked out the underrated HALLOWEEN III:
SEASON OF THE WITCH and edited the Carpenter
classics HALLOWEEN and THE
FOG. In other words, the guy's not exactly
a hack like Steve Miner.
Unfortunately, when your chief
vampire hunter is driving around with a
surfboard in his car, you start to wonder.
In fact, I started to wonder lots of things.
For instance, wasn't Natasha Wagner going
to be a big star at one point? Here she
plays Zoey, a psychic vampire victim who
can control her sickness with special pills.
This goes on her resume alongside her 10
minutes in HIGH FIDELITY and her role as
"Herself" in PLAY IT TO THE BONE.
For that matter, wasn't Bon
Jovi going to be a big movie star? He was
in a couple movies in the mid-90s and now
he's a love interest on "Ally McBeal"
just before it goes off the air and the
most unbelievable vampire hunter in film
history. Note to Jon... fire your agent.
Fast.
The story here is, um, well,
you've got me there. All I know is that
JASON X has more story and it can be summed
up as FRIDAY THE 13TH IN SPACE. I do know
that Derek assembles the worst team of vampire
hunters in film history, has a great (read
"laughable") scene snatched from
DAWN OF THE DEAD where he has to consider
killing Zoey, and there's a black guy who
is not Keith David.
Barring anything contractual,
one can assume that this will be the last
of these.
