Available
from Jennings Films | Review by Pinky
Royale
Teddy
(flawlessly played by Charlie Santore) has
a problem. He's a Cash Collector for a suave,
if not a little bitchy, uptown Loanshark.
The problem is that his Boss doesn't approve
of Teddy's heavy handed techniques for collecting
on delinquent loans. You see, Ted is of
the Old School: you pay up or you get a
tire iron to the knees, you pay up or your
kid gets shot in the mouth, you pay up or
you get a cement chapeau and lunch with
Mr. Limpett. Loansharks these days, LEGITIMATE
Loansharks, don't operate like that, and
Teddy is stuck between two worlds–
the days of yonder when a ice pick to the
nuts was SOP, and now, when you end up in
small claims court when you're 3 months
late on that $2000 loan.
Teddy's other problems are
a dead-beat dad who is always needing money
for various "Get Rich Quick" schemes
that turn into "Get Poor Quicker"
schemes, a girlfriend who chews with her
mouth open (he didn't mind much, annoyed
the bejeezus outta me), and an Ex-Of-Some-Sort
who acted as a daily alarm clock, gently
easing him out of bed every morning by kicking
in his door and assaulting him with a sailor's
mouth, pert nipples, and some pressing matters
concerning rent, or the lack thereof. Yep,
that Teddy is one smooth operator who is
quickly getting in over his head with everyone
around him, from his incredibly irritable
Boss to his bench sitting Old Man of the
Streets mentor / friend / father-figure-he-never-had.
Teddy is a despicable piece
of shit who was born into a 15 car pile-up
of a life, but aside from that he's really
just a guy trying to make his rent on time
who could use a good kick in the ass by
a Father Type who'd take him out for ice
cream afterwards. You get the feeling at
times that he does enjoy the aura of his
job, whipping out a huge wad of cash, helping
out a 'friend' here and there, old faces
that emerge from the crowd, only to resubmerge
again for the good of all involved parties.
But really, when you boil it all down, he's
just a punk with a gun and nowhere to go
but down.
You can't blame him though,
considering what he has to go through 50
times a day, trying to get money out of
people who borrowed it on good faith, only
to "forget" or not be able to
get together the repayment until next week,
a perpetual next week when some phantom
promise of work or riches lie in wait. All
they do is come up short, lie to him, rip
him off, and give him a rash of shit, as
if he made them take the money in the first
place. He works with Shit Bags everyday,
therefore, he becomes one. But through it
all, he at the very least maintains his
honesty. He doesn't lie, and even when punching
a priest in the head or getting a blowjob
from a deadbeat hooker at gunpoint, he maintains
that small amount of respectability. Christ,
I don't blame him really. If I had to deal
with all the cheap, dishonest, and shit-eating
Bastards that he had to deal with everyday,
I'd be busting heads too, Boss be damned.
This is a film about accepting
responsibility for your actions. In this
movie, as in present day America, people's
glaring lack of accountability make for
problems for them, their families, and for
Teddy, because if Teddy doesn't get the
money he was sent to collect, it's his ass
once he reports back to Mr. Big, so you
better believe he's gonna take it outta
your ass first. It's a film about self-preservation,
desperation, a blinding lack of basic money
managing skills, and what happens when you're
a deadbeat dad (hint: you end up with a
scab of a kid who loathes every arcane twist
in your putrid DNA while becoming more and
more like you every goddamned day of his
miserable, nicotine encrusted, so-called
life).
LOANSHARK is a tidy little
flick that is well-acted (for the most part,
there's a few obligatory stilted scenes,
but they don't really take away from the
general sliminess of the film). Sadly, you're
never presented with anyone to root for,
and in the end, you wish everyone would
get hit by a runaway cement truck. But that
doesn't happen. It's a good film, and clocking
in at 60 minutes, you can give it a shot
and not feel too cheated if you don't like
it.
