John Badham doesn't make films -- he makes "movies." Just like Spielberg (except when he's showboatin' for an Oscar), Tarantino (when he actually steps behind a camera), and Paul Verhoven (whom I have nothing against, I just like plugging SHOWGIRLS). The problem is, those three can't admit it. When the credits roll and they stick "A Film By" in front of their name, they kid themselves that their work is elevated to the level of art, not entertainment. At least Badham is honest and labels his flicks "A John Badham Movie." He's refreshingly without pretense -- then again, he's also a world class hack.

NICK is an old-fashioned gimmick movie -- the kind where said gimmick is the only interesting point to the proceedings. Johnny Depp is the "average Joe" pegged by sleazy Christopher Walken (now phoning these roles in with disturbing regularity) to assassinate a suddenly-liberal California governor (Marsha Mason). The catch? Walken's accomplice has Depp's kid hostage, and the gov better be dead in 90 minutes or the kid's pushing up daisies. The gimmick? The flick unfolds in real time as the Deppster struggles with his options.

Is this really what passes for entertainment these days? Depp as an action hero? He still looks like he should be on '21 Jump Street.' I think someone needs to seriously address his career choices. Either that or I see him playing villains in Jean Claude Van Damme (or worse, Jeff Speakman) flicks faster than you can say "Ron Silver."

For you conspiracy fans, NICK makes the "OJ Was Framed" theory look totally plausible. Especially since everyone in California -- except Depp, his daughter, the target and a shoeshine man -- are involved in the assassination plot. With that many brains involved, you'd think they could come up with a faster, simpler, more foolproof plan.