Alternative Cinema | Buy at Amazon | Review by Sinferno
SAM DOBBS & THE GURU GANGBANG
In the early 1970's there was a subgenre in adult film known as "the private dicks" or detective movies. The most popular, of course was known as the Johnny Wadd movies starring none other than the most infamous figure ever to appear in porn, John Holmes. Sam Dobbs is similar to the usual Holmes/Wadd characterizations of a "man of action" P.I. who gets involved in plots of betrayal, intrigue and full penetration, but ultimately falls short because the actor who plays Dobb is neither endowed, aroused or articulate enough to help explore any other sinister plot than the usual putrid porno storyline. Seriously, Dobbs looks so bored and apathetic in the first movie that you will almost pity him, even as he seduces hippie chicks by the proverbial (VW) busload; scores of nubile seventies women with too much hair flowing from every extremity and orifice with realistic and refreshingly unaltered boobs.
The hardcore potboiler revolves around Dobb working his way to the a mysterious crime lord known as "The Guru" by first investigating a murder and seducing woman after woman until he finally is invited into his lair of his evil nemesis. The Guru himself looks like an aged Charlie Manson, only less coherent thanks to the sound which has been left in classic (unrestored) form from the original version of the movie. Because of this, the usual grunts and groans of porno dialogue is reminiscent of to what Charlie Brown's parents must of sounded like as they conceived him. Of course the hippies soon discover that Dobbs is a cop, and they make an example of him by drugging him with LSD and having the male members of the commune tie him up so the female members can rape him, one at a time, in ten second sessions, first orally and then vaginally, waiting patiently in line to do so. (Oh god no, Please No!!!) Mr. Dobbs seems so upset and nonplussed by this senseless torture that he almost opens his eyes once or twice during the proceedings. Of course the last laugh is on the hippies, the Guru, Mr. Dobbs and even on the viewer because at this final scene when Dobbs is being violated in ways in which few of us were never so gently blessed, they show a giant comet hitting the earth and destroying it at once. This is such a sudden, stark contrast of emotions and actions that I can't decide if this is a cautionary moral fable about the dangers of free-love or merely the most sarcastic possible representation of the "Big Bang" theory of the origins of the universe? At the very least few can an argue, it is perhaps the ultimate snuff film ending of all time...
| Yucko/Neato Factor: It's unpolished, crude but properly disgusting. |
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| Production Values: All hippies are unwashed, filthy and sport too much hair. For 1970's this is as authentic as characterization gets. |
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| Realism: Bad, even by convoluted porno logic. Moreover, a poorly endowed main character in an adult film who cannot maintain an erection makes as much sense as a rogue cop in a revenge fantasy action thriller who is a pacifist and doesn't own a gun. |
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| Value for Price: Two disgustingly explicit, poorly transferred films for fifteen bones apiece. This is the standard price of hardcore porn from another decade, starring women who are old enough to be your mother and are already half as saggy. |
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| Plot: The bizarre, cosmic holocaust ending might have made this rank higher if there hadn't been a sequel on the same disk which I will review below. You can't destroy every man woman and child in creation and then distract this savvy reviewer with more poorly dubbed fucking. I simply hate a tease. |
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THE ZODIAC RAPIST
First just let me say that when they called this film THE ZODIAC RAPIST they wrote a pretty large check that they had no intention of cashing. This film was kind of a tribute to the Zodiac killer, the real life serial killer who is known as the most prolific murderer in our countries history who ultimately evaded capture. The real Zodiac killer was methodical, brilliant, brutal and egotistical, He even wrote notes to the police taunting them to catch him, containing clues that would help them in their search, even as he threatened more killings. Some of these notes have yet to be solved to this day and it is thought that he was a military cryptologist of some sort because of the complexity of the ciphers. So who do they get to play the most evil domestic terrorist of the twentieth century? John Holmes. That's right, John fucking Holmes. Now those of you who read above already know that Holmes is best known for his Johnny Wadd character, a hero protagonist in his own series of pornos, all of which are better than these two films. No one knows why John would appear in a series of films that actually competed directly with his own espionage/full penetration sagas, but for me it was a strange realization for me indeed as I read the label, such as finding out one day that the secret ingredient in Coke was in fact, Pepsi.
THE ZODIAC RAPIST suffers from an identity crisis. It can't decide whether it wants to be a true crime film, a porno or a sexploitation film. Much like SLAVE GIRLS OF THE SS (also from Underground Cinema) it uses cheesy box art and sleazy cover art to depict sexualized violence where none can be found. First of all, John Holmes characterization of the real life Zodiac killer is laughable, he doesn't actually hurt any of the women in this movie, but considering his legendary 12" endowment I wouldn't be surprised if he left them all kind of sore afterward. Granted there are sexual assaults in this movie, but they consist mainly of a naked John Holmes awkwardly wrestling with his victims, and ten strokes later they are actually complimenting him on his form. Stockholm Syndrome aside, I can't decide who this would offend more, diehard Euro-sleaze aficionados or woman's rights advocates. Most normal people wouldn't think a rape victim asks for it, but the ones in this movie do...and they order it "harder!" and "faster!" to boot.
Of course this movie is really about the steely battle of wits between the evil Zodiac killer and the limp arm of the law, none other than Sam Dobbs from the first movie. But of course as in all true porno, they don't come across as rivals as much as a couple of sex addicts who are insanely envious if not obsessed with each other to the point of fancy. The following elaborate plotline happens two and a half times before the film ends, messily but still somehow anti-climactically. The Zodiac spots a victim, so he calls Dobbs up and drops a clue so cheesy and stupid it makes the Riddler from the Batman TV series sound like Morpheus from THE MATRIX. Dobbs hangs up the phone, and then whines to the girl blowing him about the fact he can't catch the Zodiac killer. The girl mumbles sympathetically. Moments later Dobbs deciphers the riddle and flicks the girl off his lap like a mere crab louse, and we get the same stock footage of a car racing across town. Cut to Holmes (The Zodiac) who currently is seen stalking his next naked female victim, who always seem to capitulate to his advances with all the eager wantonness of a woman in love (Or a seventies era porno wench who has been scolded not to waste valuable 16mm tape by the director). Dobbs shows up just as the Zodiac is about to climax which frightens Poor Mr. Holmes away at once in a fit of fear and anger and he quickly escapes. Of course this makes Dobbs so angry and nonplussed, eating at his very capability as both a super sleuth; perchance a man so he redeems himself by having sloppy seconds from the one he hates most. That's right, the good guy actually finishes the "rapes". Who is the victim and the victimizer in this sex crime gone awry? You are, if you paid full price for this visual enema.
I find it painful to admit, but the one bright spot in the movie was the acting of Holmes. When he is stalking his victims and eyeing them secretly; lasciviously he truly looks like a deranged monster who hungers for the feast of flesh before him. Apparently somebody at After Hours Cinema agrees with me on this because they used a close-up of Holmes in one of his stalker moments as the picture on the disc itself.
| Yucko/Neato Factor: There is a line between bad and nasty. The people who made this see no such distinction. Underwater camera work novel for its time. |
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| Production Values: The female cop didn't even have a uniform or gear. Not because she was naked. She first introduced herself by flashing a flip wallet (no badge inside) wearing a Paul Revere tri-corner hat. |
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| Realism: It portrays rape as a pillow fight and makes consensual sex feel ugly. |
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| Value for Price: Two disgustingly explicit, poorly transferred films for fifteen bones apiece. This is the standard price of hardcore porn from another decade, starring women who are old enough to be your mother and are already half as saggy. |
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| Plot: The only thing decent in this film was the acting of John Holmes. The rest of the premise, dialogue and cast should be cut with more hateful disregard than that shown by the real Zodiac killer toward his victims. If you want to see a film that actually delivers what this film promises, see FORCED ENTRY starring Harry Reems. |
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