A Full Moon Features product about tiny killer skull headed dolls? The Hell you say? What were the odds? SKULL HEADS is a modern take on a very familiar story for fans of full moon fare complete with digitized effects, actual character development, a big budget background and a new set of toys to harass and murder the unsuspecting humans in this movie. How does it play out? Not bad, but there are times I wish they would have quit when they were a head.

SKULL HEADS is the story of pretty young Naomi Arkoff, a comely young girl who lives with her tyrannical parents in an Italian Castle far away from civilization. Despite the fact that the she lives what appears to be a life of comfort inside an ornate, if not dismal castle, her parents are ten kinds of dysfunctional which ultimately makes them worse company than Leatherface's blood relatives under close scrutiny. Her Father, Carver Arkoff is a sadistic, technophobe bastard who tortures Naomi on the the rack in the cellar dungeon every time he catches her with a modern electronic device such as a cell phone. Her mother is kinder, gentler, but informs Naomi that she must never even think of leaving the castle, even to go away to college. Peter is their dedicated butler, a gentle giant with the mind of a toddler who seems to have an unnatural attraction to domesticated animals. Finally rounding out the cast is their Grandpa, a bedridden ghoul figure, the true patriarch of the family who influences all decisions regarding the family.

No sooner do we meet this family, than three interlopers show up, a would be film crew who wants to use the castle in one of their movies. Of course Carver is against it, in all things he is territorial, traditional and just ten kinds of angry recluse. As such, he wants nothing to do with life beyond his castle walls. But his troublesome daughter Naomi is fascinated with anything regarding technology, pop culture or the outside world so she appeals to her grandfather and permission is begrudgingly given for the interlopers to visit; scout out the location, during a very tense dinner. And scout out the place they do, because it turns out the film crew in all actuality is none other than a trio of international thieves who want to relieve the castle of its ancient priceless artifacts. Now with a name like Skull Heads you are probably wonder when I am going to mention the Jack Skellington looking little boogeymen on the cover of the DVD. This is a deliberate oversight on my part as they really weren't that integral to the story. They are mentioned in passing throughout the film as guardians who have protected the Arkoff family for generations from all manner of interloper and intruder but for the first hour they are only shown lurking around corners and grinning creepily, as only tiny animated skull dolls can. But they don't actually do anything until well into an hour of the film and by then it is pretty much pointless that they even show up, because if one thing is certain by now,it is the basic fact those unlucky thieves really picked the wrong place to burglarize. Even without the aid of the devil dolls it all too obvious by the film's end that the entire Arkoff family is incestuous, immortal, undead and even more inhospitable to strangers than the first hour of the film would have ever led you to believe, even as that basic fact was underscored; emphasized constantly with every spoken word and deed. This makes the film at once comedic (kind of like The Addams Family on crank) yet at the same time, unnecessarily intricate as any one of these traits alone would have made a killer movie about a killer family. The use of all these terrible traits by a single family just makes their murderous homicidal tendencies seem like overkill, if you will pardon the pun. However, the setting is lavish, and the digital effects are modern B movie, but they could have made a pretty good film here without the Skull Heads themselves as they were only ancillary characters. The character of Carver Arkoff (Steve Kramer) is a mean, beautiful, despicable asshole and they really should have written the film around him and his insane prejudices and bizarre appetites. As for the whole guardian killer doll, motif of this film they could have omitted it entirely and the thing would have gone from prop driven to plot driven and become significantly a better film for it.

Sinferno Says...
Yucko/Neato Factor: Because of the character of Carver Arkoff this gets a three. His personality could best be described as a sweet sadistic mix between the Kurgan from Highlander and Freddy Kruger. This film could have used so much more of him. His exploits often made smile more wickedly than the Skull Heads themselves.
Production Values: The dolls were digitally enhanced, making them look more modern than any PUPPET MASTER movie ever made but all they did was grimace and smile sadistically for the first hour through the magic of CGI. The castle was large, expansive and believable. Everything in this film except for Naomi Carver herself was ugly, creepy and ten kinds of horrible (as it should have been). The pieces were in place for quite a nice little Gothic romp, but they didn't use most of them.
Realism: It went along quite smoothly until the final half an hour where they introduced five different fright films worth of freakouts.
Value for Price: For $19.98 you better really love demonic dolls, toys, puppets and all manner of terrible toy indeed. Admittedly, the special effects are the most modern I have ever seen in a Full Moon Feature, I just wish they could have been used for more brutal action sequences than just the anticipatory gnashing of teeth by the tiny titular heavies.
Plot: Please listen to me Director Charles Band. Any one of these character archetypes have been used to make an AWESOME horror movie in the past about a group of vicious cretins who you don't want to meet. Incest? (The Hills Have Eyes) Immortal? (Hell-raiser) Homicidal to all visitors? (The Wicker Man) Undead? (Return of the Living Dead) You don't need to put all of them in the same movie, any one of these character traits would have worked for this, if properly developed. I loved the initial style of the Arkoff family, but ultimately they were just too much of a bad thing.